Don't Cry
by StutteringLesbianWitch
Summary: Set after the episode "Burning Down the House" in season 2 finale. What if Jane and Maura didn't become friends after the Paddy incident? Rated M for self harm, anorexia and sexual content.


Title: Don't Cry

Rating: M for self-harm and sexual content (also anorexia)

Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Rizzles AU

Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli and Isles

AN: I' am sorry I have not written in a while. There has been a lot on my plate lately. I' am planning on continuing my other stories. Thanks for being patient with me.

Chapter One

Maura sat on the toilet with a napkin in her hand. She thought about what happened to her and Jane that day three months ago. Paddy, her biological father, had talked to her in the warehouse when all of a sudden Agent Dean came in and raised his weapon, since her father was a wanted man but Paddy shot him and Jane pointed her weapon at him when she ran inside. And he was on his way to shoot her as well but Jane shot him first in his chest. Maura got so angry at Jane that they started fighting. They went their separate ways and hadn't spoken since that day. Maura had been alone before but it was different this time, she had gotten used to Jane and her family being there for her. Her body went into shock and she got depressed. Jane no longer came to her house or down to the morgue when there was a body, Korsak came instead.

Maura took a razor in her hand and looked at it. It was like the razor spoke to her to press it on a part of her body. Her mind demanded that she had to cut because she would feel better. Maura remembered the first time she cut herself.

"It started as usual, Maura got up early and went to work, and she didn't eat anything other than an apple and a glass of water. She got called by Korsak saying there was a body in the park. She then proceeds to call her team to pick the body up, she knew Jane would be there and she didn't want to see her. The team came with the body about five minutes later and when she opened the bag, she saw it was a young girl. She had been stabbed twelve times in the chest and her pelvic showed signs of tearing. Maura got upset every time a child was on her table but she was determined to find out what happened to this girl. She made the Y section when she slipped with the scalpel and she accidently cut her arm. The pain lasted for about a minute but then she felt an inner peace and the depression went away for a while. Her heart and mind told her it was wrong, that you shouldn't do that to yourself but Maura didn't want to be sad anymore."

Maura started to cry, she never wanted to hurt Jane or herself but she felt responsible for the loss of her best friend that she had to punish herself. Maura had almost stopped eating and she cut herself almost every night. Her body was full of scars and her ribs showed just how skinny she had become. No one cared about her, not even Jane whom she loved the most. Maura accepted that she had fallen for Jane but she knew it wasn't mutual. More tears came and she cut herself three times on her left arm. Blood started to drip on the floor so she sat down there instead. She had made an attempt to apologize to Jane today but Jane had starred at her with hurt and anger that Maura had run away, she didn't want Jane to see her so sad. Maura switched and made three cuts on her other arm, they were a little deeper. She laid down and began sobbing profusely.

Meanwhile, Jane was sitting in her car, on her way home. She felt guilty about giving that look to Maura, Jane was still sad about their ruined friendship but she now understood why Maura reacted the way she did. She didn't know that Agent Dean was going to be there and she felt betrayed. But it's been three months since they talked or even seen each other and today was the first time they had ever attempt to have a conversation. Maura had tried to apologize but Jane was so stubborn that she hadn't responded other than that look.

Jane decided to go to Maura and forgive her because she missed her. She'd rather have a friendship than nothing at all. Even if Jane felt something more for the doctor than a simple friendship, she could even admit that she loves Maura. But she knew Maura didn't feel the same. Jane speed away, faster than the speed limit allowed, to Maura's house.

When she arrived, about ten minutes later, she saw that all the lights were on in the house. Jane thought it was strange because Maura usually turn off the lights when she is going to go into another room. Jane practically ran to the front door and rang the bell. No one answered. She rang again, still nothing. Jane decided to use the key she got from Maura, it was only for emergencies but Jane had a bad feeling so she unlocked the door and went inside. She took off her shoes and jacket but left it on the floor.

"Maura? Are you here? Listen I want to apologize to you for my look but I' am still sad for what happened to us. I want us to be friends again. I miss you. Maura?"

Jane got no answer; she was on her way to leave when she heard sobbing from the bathroom. She rushed to the bathroom and knocked before entering, and got shocked by the sight before her. Maura was laying in a ball on the floor under the toilet, her arm covering her face. Her shirt had rolled up, showing her stomach to Jane. Jane noticed that Maura was really thin, her ribs was visible. Jane's heart broke, wondering when Maura last ate, but it was then she noticed blood on Maura's shirt and on the floor. She, then, saw a razor by Maura's head, covered with blood. Jane started to cry when she saw the sight before her and kneeled down by her friend.

"Maura, what have you done?! Please answer me!"

Maura lifted her head and was shocked that Jane was there, she thought she imagined Jane's voice but there she was, crying and looked heartbroken.

"What are you doing here? I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. I tried to apologize to you but you wouldn't listen."

Maura rose up but almost collapsed because of the bloodloss and she felt weak. Jane immediately helped her sit on the toilet, noticing scars on her arms and wrists, some were old, some new.

"I came to apologize to you for my behavior before. But you didn't answer me. Did you do this to yourself? Why are you so thin?"

"Yes Jane, I did this to myself because I deserve it. I hurt you and pushed you away. I don't eat, that's why I'm thin. I deserve to be punished and I don't deserve your forgiveness. Just go, leave me because I'm nothing. I'm worthless and useless."

"Maura, I won't leave you! I made a mistake; I was so stubborn and sad that I failed to notice how you were doing. You don't deserve this. Where is the Maura I used to know? The one, who smiled, laughed and talked about facts."

"She doesn't exist anymore."

"Don't say that Maura. And you are not worthless or useless. I need you and you are everything to me. You have no idea how much."

Jane then noticed that Maura had a pained expression and realized she was still bleeding.

"Let me help you with the wounds." Jane pleaded and Maura's eyes bore into hers, then she nodded.

Jane took a hand towel and soaked it with cold water and started to dry the blood from Maura's arms. Jane saw six cuts, three on each arm. She poured some alcohol to make sure the wounds wouldn't get infected. Maura whimpered in pain and Jane stopped, taking some bandage on them. Jane, then, lifted Maura and carried Maura to the couch.

Jane then proceeds to go to Maura's kitchen to make some dinner for both her and Maura. She was also keeping an eye on the doctor. Maura still sat in the position Jane had left her in and that made Jane worried. She decided to make a salad with garlic bread because it was fast and she wanted to be by Maura's side as quickly as possible. When she was finished, she went to Maura with two plates and sat one in front of her and then Jane proceeded to sit down next to her.

"Maura? Dinner's ready." Jane said and carefully touched Maura's shoulder.

"I'm not hungry."

"Maur, we both know that you are lying. You are starving, please eat something. Do it for me."

"Fine. But I don't know why you bother, I'm fat." Maura said and bit down on the garlic bread.

"You are not fat. I think you are too thin."

"I want to be beautiful."

Jane almost laughed at the first words but held it in when she saw the empty look.

"Come on, Maura. You are beautiful. Why do you saying things like that to yourself?"

"Because no one wants me or loves me. Not before this and certainly not now. Who would want someone who cuts themselves?" Maura answered with tears pouring out of her.

Jane just starred at her and without thinking she said:

"I do."

"What?" Maura said looking at Jane like she was an alien.

"I' am tired of denying that I'm in love with you. I don't want to keep this inside anymore. I'm sorry that we hurt each other and I'm sorry for being so stubborn to being able to talk or see you these past months. I' am also sorry that you are so depressed. But please, stop saying things like that to yourself. You are beautiful, cross that, I think you are sexy. I like everything about you, not just your appearance but your cleverness, your laugh, your facts, your honesty. I know you can't lie but I still like that. I know that you might not feel the same but I'm telling you that I love you."

Maura stood there and couldn't believe what she was hearing. Jane was in love with her? How long had she been in love with her? Maura needed answers but now she suddenly didn't feel afraid of revealing her own feelings for Jane. Now she knew Jane wouldn't turn her down.

"I love you too." Maura said.

Jane looked at her with big eyes, they were full of hope.

"I have loved you for a long time, Jane. I was just afraid that you would turn me down and I would lose you forever. But now that I know you feel the same, I'm not afraid of confessing my feelings for you. I think you are sexy as well. I love your stubborness, your lojalty, your laugh, I could go on with the list I love about you but that would take me forever to name all." Maura continued on.

Jane smiled at her and took Maura in her arms. She bent down and captured Maura's lips. The kiss was slow and passionate, neither wanting to dominate the other. They sat there kissing for a few minutes before breaking it so they could catch their breaths. They starred at each other for a long time and entwined their hands together.

"Maur?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"Please, stop hurting yourself. I know you're hurting but I can help you. Don't do this. I don't want to lose you."Jane pleaded.

"I will try. You will not lose me, I promise." Maura said and smiled.


End file.
